Photo below by Photography by Bethany.
Life is not easy, especially when you are not a cookie cutter family. I co-parent with the other household, in part because I have willing co-parents. The other part of the equation is that I work at it every single day. This was not always an easy task, and still isn’t. It is a daily choice I make. But I promise that it’s worth it in the end.
If you are going through a separation from your partner or a divorce, I am so sorry. My divorce was one of the most difficult times I have ever been through. The process is similar to a death, but no neighbors or loved ones bring rich, starchy casseroles. They avoid you, not knowing which side of the line to step over, his or hers. Next comes the fog of negativity. Friends and family members suddenly wanted me to go for the jugular. I was told to stalk my ex, vandalize, take everything of his in the settlement that I could, to punish him. He was told similar things by his loved ones. It was horrible. I refused to listen, and I am so glad that I followed my gut. I was right. Follow that little voice in the back if your mind. I promise you that this will all pass, and you will come through it stronger, wiser, and better than ever.
The beginning process of a divorce and even a remarriage can be one of the most difficult things you can EVER experience. One thing that has helped me to move through the anger and to the other side of it (you can’t skip the anger, bury the anger, or postpone the anger because it will find you and it will be bigger and worse than ever) is to remember one thing. Life is not supposed to be about your happiness. It is not supposed to be all about fun. Life is a giant classroom. We are all students here to learn from one another. All of us are on different grade levels from one another. Try not to fault someone for not understanding your perspective. You would not be angry with a third grader for not understanding sixth grade English, would you? If someone has not had your life experiences how can you expect them to understand your perspective? Criticism only puts people on the defensive. It will not have good results. If you want someone to listen to you, find a way to show them without putting them down. It is easier not to judge another and not to get angry when we think of them at a different life grade-level. They are incapable of understanding until they experience what you have experienced. Therefore YOU have to be the bigger person if you are the person in the higher life grade level. Instead think about what you DO understand and build on that. Try to figure out why people do what they do, learn from them instead of judging them. This will help the anger, bitterness, jealousy, and will help the healing come faster.
Looking at what another person has and becoming jealous because you do not have the same is also unfair. You do not know where another person has been in life or what they are going through. Instead of looking at what you don’t have try to look at what you DO have.
Someday perhaps you will find a new love you feel was waiting just for you. Someone special, someone who knows your soul in a way that drives you to be the best possible version of yourself. Perhaps you will fall in love with you again, and there is no love greater than self love.