A Bio-Dad wrote an article around Father’s Day, which was tagged to Family Fusion Community on Twitter, as well as many who follow us, including my husband. My husband is a stepfather. My husband, Bob is an amazing dad. He bends over backwards for our family. I work overtime many days of the week, so Bob often ends up being the one to pick the girls up from school, help with homework, and he deals with all of the girl-drama-melt-downs until I get home every night. Bob and I have a system worked out. He hates laundry and I hate to cook, which he loves, so he handles all of the meals and I am on laundry duty. We split running the kids to appointments down the middle, depending on who works later that day. He is simply an amazing father and husband.
This article came out, which I happened to skim through, retweeted and put out of my mind. I did not see it in a negative light, but then I did not read it the way my husband read it, until he shared his feelings with me. We did not discuss it until several days later.
Here are a few of the things that bothered him: “Kids are brought into this world by one and only one man. If you’re a divorced dad, here’s a hint: IT’S YOU. True fatherhood is a matter of blood — a permanent position. It can be ignored, even defiled, but it can’t be shed. I tell other divorced dads, “No matter what you do with your kids, if you commit to it regularly and responsibly, you’re the dad. Period. Exclamation point.”
Once I heard those points, I read the article again. I completely understood why it bothered my husband so much. He does so much for OUR girls. Father’s Day is always difficult for him anyway. I’m pushing 41, and many reasons we decided not to have any additional children of our own. To read something stating he is not really a true father to the girls was quite hurtful. He felt insignificant and unimportant. I tried to reassure him that I did not feel that way about my husband and neither did the girls. I also don’t think my ex feels the same way.
What truly makes a parent is the ability to commit to a child, and to give the very best of yourself every single moment. I do not think it is fair to say a bio-parent is more of a parent than a step-parent, a grandparent, an adoptive parent or any other parent.
I would love to hear some of your thoughts on this. How do you feel about what this article? Would this have hurt your feelings from a step-parent’s perspective?
Trish Eklund is taking a nontraditional approach to parenting children after divorce and remarriage. Raising her two daughters of eleven and fifteen with her husband, ex-husband, and his wife, they consult one another on all parenting decisions. Trish is the owner and founder of Family Fusion Community. Trish has been featured on www.playground-magazine.com, and www.bigblendedfamily.com. She is a regular writer on www.herviewfromhome.com, writer and co-editor for Her View From Omaha. Follow her on Twitter: @trishiewriter, Google +, and Pinterest.