With 3 teenagers living in our home, you can only imagine the drama, mood-swings, insane schedules, and yes occasional silence that we hear on a daily basis. Our home is anything but “normal”. Quite often times its chaotic to say the least.
My husband and I each have two biological children of our own. Our oldest is in college and has “flown from the nest”. The other 3 split time between our home and their other parents’ homes. We are finding that as they grow older, the transition time between homes gets rough. It almost reminds me of when they were little.
I remember “transition day” when my children were 6 or 7 years old. They would fight with each other, they would test my limits, and they would be defiant and do their best to be disrespectful to me. Over the years transition days got better. We would kind of work into a rhythm and it became easier. (Well, at least it became doable.)
I have noticed recently that transition days (Sundays) have gotten back to a day of turmoil, especially with our 17-year-old. When he returns to our house it is like he doesn’t want to be here. Now, I realize that he is a 17-year-old boy who isn’t going to walk into our home and always be full of joy and expand on how his weekend was or what has been happening in his life. That would be unlike him anyway. What is unlike him is the long drawn out sighs…not wanting to eat (not even a snack)…seeming almost frustrated when I try to talk to him. He won’t even acknowledge my husband – walks right by him and doesn’t say a word.
As our week moves on, he becomes the son I know and love. His personality comes back usually by Monday after school. I am blessed enough to see him at school and church functions several times throughout the course of a week when he isn’t in my home. I have always taken advantage of those extra times to talk to my son and keep contact.
On the Sundays he goes back to his Father’s home, it’s like he can’t leave our home fast enough. He drives himself so we have always kept the time he leaves flexible, depending what is going on with our families. But lately, we go to church and he goes right to his Father’s house from there. When he comes back to my house, he usually doesn’t get here until 6 or 7 pm.
I have tried speaking to my son about this, but of course, it is like pulling teeth and he tells me everything is fine. He usually just says something about being tired.
I am wondering from the Family Fusion Community – do you experience this on transition day of your teens? Any advice on what could be going on with my Son? We don’t notice anything like this with my husband’s children. They are “normal” when they come here. What are your transition days like? How do you handle them? What can I do to make this easier on my son? I appreciate any advice.
Kay Berg is a bio mom of two children. Annie is 19, and Brad is 18. She is also step-mom to Bethany, 15, and Meagan 13. She has been married to her husband, Rod for almost 6 years. She is the Director of Religious Education, and Youth Minister at a Catholic church in Northern Wisconsin. Kay and Rod are learning how to blend their family on a daily basis, sometimes it goes well and sometimes not. But each day is a new day to learn and grow.