How many times have you looked your loved one in his or her beautiful eyes during a time of conflict and thought to yourself–”Why don’t you understand me?”
You think you’ve expressed yourself clearly…You’ve used the best non-violent communication you know, “I” statements, and even still, he/she stands there, just looking at you, not getting you at all. This is a frustrating time in a relationship.
You want closeness and intimacy with your loved one, but you need to first get to a place of understanding in order to have it.. You want to understand and be understood and more than anything, you want to feel each other’s love.
There have been thousands of books written on the differences in the way men/women communicate, the way different personality types communicate, the way people who were brought up with very different role models communicate, the way people with different astrological signs communicate, etc., etc..
But, I really like how Dr. Gary Chapman breaks it down for us in his book The 5 Love Languages (which has been read by millions of people around the world). He recommends that when we learn our partner’s love language, we know better how to fill their “Love tank”. Do you say “I love you,” or, Do you show your love with an action or gift? Do you offer a loving touch? Or, Do you give quality time?
What does your loved one need?
If we can know how to love in easy moments, then times of conflict become less difficult.
Restore intimacy in your relationship by first filling each others “Love Tanks.”
Once you feel the love you desire, you then naturally crave the intimacy.
Nicole Olivier is an Occupational Therapist, Mother and Wife in a blended family who passionately enjoys blogging and writing about lessons in love and life.