BLENDING A FAMILY IS HARD

Kay blog pic

Editor’s Note: I would like to welcome Kay Berg to Family Fusion Community. She is a Youth Minister, as well as a bio-mom, and a step-mom. I am so happy to have you writing for the site, Kay!

It is my belief that one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life is blending a family. It is a daily struggle with rewarding times and not-so-rewarding times. There are times when I think, “yea, I can do this, I got this…” and times when I think, “What am I doing?”

 

My husband and I pray all the time that God help us to be the parents He wants us to be for our children. Some days I think I lose that prayer and get into the rut of “his kids” and “my kids”. This is a constant tug of war at our house. A tug of war I do not like at all. Why is it so hard to treat all the kids the same? Normal families do…or do they?
Growing up, I remember always wanting things to be fair between me and my siblings. If I did the dishes last night, I shouldn’t have to do them tonight it was always someone else’s turn. It seemed as though my little brother never had to do any chores. He ALWAYS got his way! My older sister ALWAYS got all the privileges! Things just never seemed fair.

 
I am sure that my parents tried to make things as fair as they could. In a blended family, the fairness takes an even extra effort on the part of the parents. Who should do the dishes? Who should take out the trash? Who feeds the dog? Who clears the dinner table? This is a skill that my husband and I lack. We want to be fair, but we want our kids do their part in the family.

 
Someone recommended to me coming up with a “job chart”. Each job would rotate each week between all the kids. This chart has been awesome! It has saved my husband and me from many huffs and puffs and all out battles. I hope that it can help in your family….one less thing to conflict over is a good thing in my opinion!

 

How do you handle chores in your blended family? Do you have a job or chore chart? If you do, what does your chart contain? Does it change as the children age and grow with them? I would love to hear your thoughts!

 

 

 

Kay Berg is a bio mom of two children. Annie is 19, and Brad is 18. She is also step-mom to Bethany, 15, and Meagan 13. She has been married to her husband, Rod for almost 6 years. She is the Director of Religious Education, and Youth Minister at a Catholic church in Northern Wisconsin. Kay and Rod are learning how to blend their family on a daily basis, sometimes it goes well and sometimes not. But each day is a new day to learn and grow.

Kay

3 thoughts on “BLENDING A FAMILY IS HARD

  1. Welcome to Family Fusion, Kay! Did you find your chore chart online somewhere? I am a stepmom to 3, no bio children, and have tossed around the idea of a chore chart for a while, but having them every other weekend seems hard to keep a chore chart. Any tips?

    • Hi Nicole!
      Thanks for the warm welcome!
      I just used a chart that I came up with based on when our children were with us. All 4 of our children go between our home and their other parent’s home, so our schedule gets very confusing. I did the schedule for a couple of months at a time, it was seasonal, like fall, then winter, etc. Our children are in activities so I tried to take that into consideration as well. It took a while to get it down, and there are times when my husband and I would have to pick up the slack just because one child wasn’t around for whatever reason…once you get into a flow, however, it does really help. And think of jobs that maybe they don’t matter if they don’t get done until morning or the next day…like sweeping…doesn’t have to happen daily necessarily, so the busy child maybe does that when they can…does that help???

    • Hi Kay! Welcome! I look forward to reading more of your posts. It’s great that you are being honest…it is a tug of war really in a blended family at times, it has been at times in my family but God has taught me so much through it all about true family, love, acceptance, and GRACE….lots of grace!

      Nicole, for our children, we typed out a chore schedule for each child, when they would be expected to do the chores ,and how much they would earn in allowance. Each child has what is expected and for a time it was posted in their room. For example: our boys are with us every other weekend and their chores are cleaning their bathroom every other weekend and our 11 yr old dusts once a week when he is with us for dinner. Our 9 yr old vacuums the family room and kitchen once a week. We are also in the process of making a chore chart for the kitchen as well. There are some great ideas for chore charts on pinterest. You can check out my boards on pinterest http://www.pinterest.com/blendermom3/ and I have pinned some different chore chart ideas on my “For the Kids” board as well……

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