YOU CAN BE RIGHT OR YOU CAN BE MARRIED, BY DANA ADAM SHAPIRO

Hands

“Women hope men will change after marriage but they don’t; men hope women won’t change but they do.”-Betina Armdt Private Lives.

I am currently reading a book about marriage and divorce, You Can Be Right Or You Can Be Married, by Adam Shapiro. The writer interviews hundreds of divorced people, male and female of all ages, in all marital stages. Some have been remarried. Some have been remarried, and some have remained single. Each story is a different scenario, with a different outcome.

Married

“One was never married, and that’s his hell; another is, and that’s his plague.”-Robert Burton

The common thread between all of the stories is that most of the people in the relationships started out one way, and ended up behaving completely different toward one another in the relationships. This was even more common in first marriages, and I tend to agree. This is kind of too-much-information-moment, but my second husband and I have very private bathroom behavior that my first husband and I did not have. I honestly think this makes a difference in the romance department. My husband has never purposefully “let one slip” in front of me or used the bathroom with the door open. I don’t do those things in front of him either. In this regard we treat our relationship as if it were a new relationship, and we have been together over four years. If I have to fart, I go into  different room, and I remain a delicate little flower to him. I am his sexy wife, and I intend to keep it that way! Not that there is anything wrong with people if they share these things in their relationships, I share those things with my first husband, which is one reason I don’t share them with my husband now. This book talks about how the first part of each relationship is so great because of the mystery, the excitement, and each person putting forth their best possible face.

As time goes one, as kids come into the picture, and as our interests and personalities grow, our relationships change. I think the common thread with all of the relationships in the book is that most of the people in the first marriages learned that you can either grow with your partner or without your partner. In the beginning, we show interest in what our partner is interested in, and our partner does the same for us. As our interests grow and change over the years, we have to try to stay involved in our spouse’s life. We have a choice every day to grow with our partner or to grow away from them.

I also think it is so important to try to keep things exciting in your marriage. Sex is a part of that, but so is dating your partner, and meeting other needs.

I am enjoying this book, and recommend to all couples.

“Some couples divorce because of a misunderstanding; others, because they understand each other all too well.”- Evan Esar

Trish Eklund is taking a nontraditional approach to parenting children after divorce and remarriage. Raising her two daughters of ten and fourteen with her husband, ex-husband, and his wife, they consult one another on all parenting decisions. Trish has been featured on www.playground-magazine.com, and www.bigblendedfamily.com. She is a regular writer on www.herviewfromhome.com, writer and co-editor for Her View From Omaha. Follow her on Twitter: @trishiewriter, Google +, and Pinterest.

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