The Marriage Wheel of Bliss
In Ephesians 5:22 NLT it says ” For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord” and in verse 25 it says “For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her”. I know most have heard these verses numerous times and most don’t really like them. You may think that to submit means to bow down and be a door mat. I don’t think that’s what it says at all! I think to submit means to respect, honor, and support.
Have you ever noticed that it’s easy for most women to love freely? In fact, it’s that love that some times gets us hurt because we do tend to fall in love with all our heart. However, have you noticed how absolutely hard it is as a woman to respect and show honor to our men. It feels almost like we are showing weakness. Now, have you noticed that it is easier for men to show respect and honor to those they value and care for but yet not very easy for a man to love selflessly? To them it may feel like weakness or vulnerability. I truly feel like that is why Jesus commanded husbands and wives the way he did in the bible.
Jesus showed his love for the church by serving and loving unconditionally. He ultimately gave his own life because of that love. He commands husbands to love their wives with that kind of love. He didn’t need to command them to respect and honor because that was something that comes more easily as a man. Jesus commanded wives to respect/honor/support their husbands because there was no need to command them to love selflessly because that comes easier for us! So now get your boots on cause we are going to dig deep now and talk about respecting our husbands!
I have learned the hard way by making mistakes in my previous marriages that love and respect go hand in hand. It’s like a cycle or wheel. Love feeds respect feeds love and your wheel is turning and moving forward. A man’s ego, to feel he is successful, great, needed is a very deep need in his life. A woman’s nesting instinct, to make a place for her to belong and be herself and loved unconditionally is a very deep need in her life. Respecting, honoring, and supporting your husband feeds a man’s ego, this need in him.
My husband, when I met him, was beat down to an all time low. He was trying to start over but so far was floundering, hurt, and confused. I started supporting him, telling him that he was a good man, that he was strong, smart and capable. He went back to school. It was hard and we had to sacrifice but I knew that in order for our marriage to work, he had to feel like he could succeed. He had to feel good about himself and feel that he could provide for us. The more he provided for us and felt more confident about who he was, the deeper his love grew for me and it showed because I helped him get there through support and encouragement. I helped him be better. The deeper his love for me, the stronger I felt that he was the greatest man in the world. He would tell me (and still does all the time) how wonderful I am, how much he loves me and how beautiful I am. Ladies, he tells me I’m beautiful even on the days I know dirt is more attractive. I feel more and more safe and loved no matter what.
Do you see the wheel turning and moving forward as one feeds the other? That is the marriage wheel of bliss and when that is turning in the right direction, your marriage is going in the right direction. Jesus knew exactly what the heart of the matter was when He talked about wives and husbands. We make our husband a priority by respecting and supporting him. We make our marriage a priority by working on keeping our marriage wheel of bliss turning in the right direction.
In the blended family, that can be so important because statistics show that subsequent marriages are much more likely to fail than the first. Making your marriage a priority makes you stronger for your kids, to be able to face the tough issues that come along with blended families.
“Women need love. Men need respect. It’s as simple and complicated as that!”
Donna Mott is known as the “Blendermom” thrown in the mix of a blended family on her blog www.blendermom.me. She has a fourteen year-old daughter and a nine-year old son, as well as a ten-year old bonus son. Together with her wonderful supportive husband, she is trying to teach her children the truest Christian values of loving God and loving each other through compassion and service. She is a 2009 graduate of “She Speaks” through Proverbs 31 ministries and has written for www.upliftingfamilies.com. She enjoys writing personalized poetry. She also writes and composes personalized songs for special occasions. She loves snuggling with her seven pound fur-baby, Maltipoo, Brady. You can follow her on Pinterest, Twitter, and Instagram @blendermom3.